Posted in daily life

Learning to Live with RA

So, the day has finally come for me to make this announcement. I found out what’s wrong with my knees.

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

ra-introduction-fbI’ve known for eight months that something was wrong with my knees. Joints don’t just start hurting for no good reason, and yet that’s what happened to mine. I waited for the hurt to go away, and when it didn’t, I went to my doctor. She said RA–but talk to a Rheumatologist just in case.

I did. And he confirmed my doctor’s diagnosis.

How RA has changed how I live.

Before all this happened to me, I would never have imagined how coming down with RA would change me. Or that I’d come down with it at all. I was more prepared to become pregnant than I was to get sick. And unfortunately, God decided to give me RA instead of children.

One day, I felt fine. The next day, I didn’t. My knees started hurting, and they didn’t stop. They swelled up and grew inflamed.

Bending them hurt. Standing on them hurt. Stairs became just as evil as the scale in my bathroom. Getting on or off the floor–impossible.  Getting out of the tub, or even out of the car–torture. Even kneeling on my own bed was enough to make me cry.

And let’s not talk about the awards I feel like I deserve for getting out of bed in the mornings.

I stopped enjoying life. I moved and felt like an eighty year old woman. Heck, my own 86 year old grandmother moves better than me. Nothing made the pain go away. Ibuprofen only took the edge off. Braces and Icy Hot helped, but only a little bit. Teas and diets had no discernible effects. Nor did losing 30 lbs.

Then my shoulders and wrists started hurting, too. Now reaching for things, picking things up, opening doors, taking showers, and getting dressed started becoming hard, too.

I don’t know if you can understand. When you get a bruise or sprain an ankle, you’re okay because you know the pain is going to go away in a week. You can take Tylenol or Aspirin and you feel better.

My pain did not go away. Not even on good days. And I have a mild case of RA, too.

I learned to adapt.

When my doctor told me I had RA, it was bad for a while. I cried. I mourned for my dreams. We had just closed on our land. I wanted to put a farm on it, and now it looked like I wouldn’t be able to work it.

I felt like I was doomed. Doomed to live in pain for the rest of my life. Doomed to age prematurely. Doomed to never have kids. To die early. Doomed to make my husband take care of his sick wife and the farm in addition to earning a living.

My life, as I knew it, ended.

I had to find the new rules and boundaries for my life. What could I do, and not do? What movements was my body capable of? What things would I never do again (jog), what things could I do differently, and what remained the same?

How much pain could I endure? More than I thought, it turns out.

So, yes, I have learned how to live with this. How to endure. How to schedule my time and energy. To cut out things and simplify my life. I got very good at putting away my pride and asking for help. I resigned myself to not working as hard as I was accustomed, and got used to doing what I could. Which felt like very little.

Life is looking up now.

As I said, it’s been four months since that day. Time and distance have softened the bad news. I’ve come to the conclusion that even if my life changes, I don’t have to give up on my dream of having a farm and a family. God willing, I can still have both. It won’t be as I’d pictured it, but I’m still willing to work for it.

But I’ve seen a Rheumatologist now. He prescribed me medication. I already feel better.

The good news is, there’s lots of medicines for RA out there. Oh, there’s no cure, and there’s lots of things they don’t know about the disease, but there’s hope. I might move around and stand up straight again. I’ll have to resign myself to taking pills and dealing with the health insurance companies for the rest of my life–but there’s hope.

God is good. He’s provided relief and hope. Every good thing I have in my life is because of him. This disease is a trial, my thorn in the flesh, that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. It’s not a curse–though it feels like it some day.

With God’s help, I will endure, and live every day with hope that it’ll get better.

Posted in daily life, humor

Two days at the doctors’ office

My husband never misses an opportunity to tease me.

dancing wedding picAnd really, if he didn’t tease me, I would be worried.

For example. Two days after proposing to me, he had an infected sore on his bottom (yes, his bottom) which gave him a very high temperature and drove him to the ER. He spouted so many puns he had the nurses in stitches. They couldn’t take him sitting down. He was a pain in the butt, but he couldn’t stand it.

You get the idea.

The first thing on our to-do list this year was get some appointments to see some doctors. Dentist, eye doctor, our primary care physician. You name it, I got it booked (go me!). Naturally, I scheduled them to happen at the same time.

By this point in our marriage–three years and counting–I’ve stopped being surprised by any kind of teasing or pun-manship that comes out of my husband’s mouth. I just gear up to give as good as he. And I wasn’t disappointed.

At the eye doctor’s, he was blind as a bat. But I was a typical woman, taking thirty minutes to chose my new frames when he took only five minutes. “I knew what I wanted and I found it.” Well, excuse me for not knowing what I wanted and not finding it quickly. But I’m pleased with what we got. Thanks to this wonderful thing called insurance, we spent less on two pairs of glasses than I spent on my previous pair (which I had to pay full price for, me not having that wonderful thing called insurance at the time).

clean-teeth-catThe next day, we went to the dentist. It’d been a while for both of us, and we just wanted a cleaning and a check-up. We both had tons of x-rays and pictures taken of our teeth, and then we were put in adjoining rooms.

The best part of that? Eavesdropping.

  • Doctor to Michael. “So how did you hear about us?”
  • Michael. “Oh, through our insurance. I had my wife give ya’ll a call.”
  • Me. “Only because you hate phone calls!”

Though let’s face it. We both hate calling strangers. I just drew the short straw. But it’s a lot more fun to have a mock argument than to admit that fact.

  • Michael. “I do not hate phone calls. You hate phone calls. I was just helping you get over your fears!”

Yeah, right, Michael. Yeah right. You just keep telling yourself that.

Our fun didn’t end there. We both ended up with cavities that we decided to put off filling until the insurance would pay out more. And while Michael had some damage from teeth-grinding he didn’t know he did (I promise, I don’t drive him crazy. Okay, that crazy.), I had some serious caked-on tarter build up that really concerned the doctors.

And since they were afraid I was a sissy and couldn’t take the pain of them scraping it off my teeth, they decided to numb the area. Which was a novel experience, considering I’d never been numbed at the dentist’s before.

Just my lower lip, which was a good thing because I’m not sure I would have been able to talk or eat at all. As it was, everything felt rubbery and puffy. I drooled everywhere, talked with a lisp, couldn’t drink without it coming back out, and had the hardest time just smiling. But the weirdest part? Looking in the mirror and not seeing anything different.

But hey, I had fun making faces at my husband from across the lobby. He had fun teasing me about my lisp. We got to make the receptionist laugh, and later, I plucked out a bunch of chin whiskers and didn’t feel a thing. Not a thing.

I tell you, that’s how waxing aught to work. Just go to the dentist, get yourself all numbed up, and then go to the salon and have them pluck every single stray hair off your face. Painless and fun. It’s a win-win for everyone!

Posted in Loosing Weight, resolutions

2017 Resolutions

Happy New Year!

2017-new-yearFor many, a new year is a chance to start over. Get things right. Do things better than before. Improve oneself.

Most people don’t keep the resolutions they make. Perhaps we’re not motivated enough, or too lazy. Most likely, we just don’t want to change.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve quit beating myself up over failing to live up to my resolutions. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally kept a few resolutions, and I know I’m actually capable of changing. Or maybe I just don’t care to make myself feel bad.

That doesn’t keep me from making resolutions like everyone else.

I’m hoping to do this year differently from last year. Not because I did things wrong last year. But because I already know this year will be fraught with different challenges. My health has changed. So has my financial and spiritual status. This requires different resolutions.

2017 Resolutions: Health

Last year, I resolved to lose 20 pounds. To that end–and to my surprise–I lost 25. This year, I want to get healthier.

It may sound like the same thing, but not necessarily. Sure, I’ll continue to exercise (and hopefully lose more weight). But in the middle of losing all that weight, I developed some strange problems with my knees. They started hurting for no good reason. As did other parts of me. As you can imagine, this makes enjoying my weight loss difficult.

Now, since I’m 30 years old and the problem has not gone away, this means something is wrong. This year, in addition to limiting fast foods, sodas, chocolate and ice cream, I hope to get to the bottom of whatever it is, treat it–if not cure it–and get healthier.

2017 Resolutions: Finances

If you’ve been following me, you know we have been trying to acquire some land outside of town. About a month ago, we finally achieved that goal. Now my husband and I are in the most debt we’ve ever been. We’re excited and worried, but mostly excited.

Our goal? To pay as much of that loan off in a year as we possibly can. Also, make improvements on the land. The more we pay off and improve, the more equity we build, the more we can get for our future home loan. A home we hope to move into late next year.

It’s going to be a lot of hard work, and we’ll have to keep an eye on our spending (not that we spend that much, really), but if we succeed, it’ll be worth it.

2017 Resolutions: Spiritual

This next year, I really want to work on my spiritual life. I’m a Christian, but I feel I’ve been a little lazy with my spiritual upkeep. While I’ve been diligent in going to church, I haven’t had a habit of reading my Bible every day since I was a teen. I’ve never had a very good prayer life (outside of giving thanks for the food, and really, how much does that count?). And as for sharing the gospel? Well.

In case you can’t tell, my face is red and I’m practically hiding in shame.

Up until now, my strategy has been to be a good example. And while that’s good and fine, what do people see? I go to church regularly, and I don’t cuss. That describes a lot of people, including “Sunday Only” Christians. I want to be better than that. This world doesn’t need good people. It needs God.

So this year, my aim is to develop a healthier spiritual life. I want to get into the habit of studying the Bible and praying every day. I want to develop a ministry, whether it be teaching or otherwise, so that other people will see God in me. And not just a Sunday Only Christian.

Posted in daily life

Better News this Week

Kelly Update

For all of you who read this blog to find out how my step-father-in-law was doing, here’s an update for you.

He’s doing much better. It’s been almost two weeks since he’s had the heart attack. He’s off all of the machines–that ecmo machine and that respirator, he’s off of them. He’s off of most of the medications, and off sedation. This mean’s he’s awake, he’s talking, and he’s walking. Well, with assistance. They had to put in a second splint recently, so God willing he won’t have another heart attack for a long time. Right now, his biggest challenge is his rehab therapy. But praise God! He’s doing good, and hopefully he’ll be able to go home before Christmas.

Other Updates: Weight loss and land

Good news on other fronts. At the top of the year, I set out to loose weight. In the past, this was pretty much an exercise in pain, patience and frustration, as I’d exercise for a few months and see no results. I’d quit, feel bad for quitting, and then try again–not that it did any good.

This year has been different. I went off the pill, and without the extra hormones messing with my body, my metabolism improved. I ate less–and wanted to eat less. I managed to meet and exceed my goal. So far, I have lost 27 pounds. Woohoo!

Honestly, I didn’t think I’d actually do it. Losing weight has never been easy for me, even when I wasn’t on the pill. What actually made the difference? I’m not sure. Could be my own hard work and stubbornness. Could be God just decided to bless me this way. Could be both. I’m not discounting anything.

Now, the land.

For the past three months, we’ve been trying to buy this parcel of land just south of town. Three months. Ug, it’s been a long three months. We’ve had delay after delay–none of which were our fault. We’ve had to extend our contract with our agents at least four times.

But no more. Two weeks ago, we closed the deal. Sighed the papers. And handed over the down payment. We are now the proud owners of almost 13 acres of land. Woohoo! Pictures will hopefully be coming soon, but I have to warn you, they’ll be pretty boring. There’s nothing but survey posts on our land, but that’s okay. It’s ours and that’s what’s important.

Posted in daily life

Tragedy Strikes Our Family

I haven’t posted anything much the past few weeks because nothing much has happened in my life.

I can’t say that this week.

Early Monday morning, my step-father in law had a massive heart attack.

Thankfully, he survived the attack, but as you can imagine, this has been very hard on the family. He’s healing, but he’s not going to be leaving the hospital any time soon. As for what the future holds for him and the family, no one has any idea. We’re just praying that he lives and gets better soon.

My mother-in-law has pretty much moved into the hospital. My husband and I have been spending our evenings there, doing whatever we can to help and support her. That usually consists of nothing more than buying her meals and doing laundry for her–but even just being there and giving her hugs helps.

My mother-in-law has no shortage of people wanting to help. And not just her, but her husband as well. I was just blown away by the sheer number of people coming out of the woodwork, wanting to know if they can do anything. His family, extended family, friends I’d never heard of or seen, church family, and coworkers. My step-father-in-law is a cop, and well loved on the work force. They decided to keep someone there at all times.

And not just them. We’ve got my mother-in-law’s extended family and friends, my friends and family, my husband’s friends and family. We’ve got church members and cops out the wazoo–yes, I mentioned them twice, but believe me, there’s a lot of cops–and they’re all stopping by the hospital with prayers and hugs and support.

I’ve heard of this kind of thing happening in the church, that when a beloved member is badly sick or critically injured, everyone just comes out to support them. I’ve done my share of support. But this is the first time I’ve seen it up close and personal, and I’m just blown away.

I just can’t help but thank God for His family and for everything else He’s given us in our time of need. The support and prayers. The competent and caring doctors and nurses. The hospital. It’s all been a blessing, and we couldn’t have held up as well as we have without it.

We’ve got a long row to hoe, but I know that with God’s help, we’ll get through it.

Posted in daily life, Loosing Weight

I admire fit people

I admire fit people.

dsc_0224-1Not just fit people, but healthy people. Hard working folks. The kind of people who put in a full day’s work building houses, fixing cars, and installing electrical or plumbing. Or soldiers and firemen, who need to keep their bodies in shape so they can do their jobs.

I think I can blame this admiration on my father and grandfather. Both were mechanics by trade, but when they were home, they were farmers. They never stopped moving, never stopped working. Between the two of them, they built the home I grew up in. They chase cows, build fences, bail and haul hay. They could figure out how anything worked and fixed it.

I think if I hadn’t been so afraid of getting hurt growing up, I might have followed in their footsteps. As it was, I distinctly remember being driven to work hard as a teen. Not just so I wouldn’t get fired. But to prove that I could work as hard as any of the grown men around me.

Then I graduated college and I changed. I lost some of my drive. I became more and more lazy, more and more depressed, until I stepped on the scale one day and discovered I’d gained first 40, then 60, pounds since college. To my detriment, I fear.

Since the start of the year, I have lost almost 25 pounds. I’m thirty, but my body doesn’t work like it used to. Pain tags along with me like a naughty puppy, affecting my knees, shoulders and other joints. Scary words like “arthritis” are being thrown around, and I’m not sure who’s to blame for the pain. Was it me, my laziness, or my early drive to keep up with and outshine the hardworking men around me?

Only God knows for sure how much damage I did to myself through my own recklessness and laziness. Only He knows the truth. It may not be my fault. But it also may be.

One thing has not changed about me, though. I still admire fit people. And no matter what the future holds for me, no matter what the doctors say or what more challenges God sends my way, I need to dig out that drive I used to have, dust it off, and apply it to the future.

I may have to adjust my view of the definition of the words, but with God’s help and blessing, I will be healthy and strong again.

Posted in daily life

Things I would rather do instead

My life this week has been consumed with three things: one, trying to get book two ready to be written. Two, finding and getting an appointment with a doctor about my legs. And three, trying to stay upbeat and productive when I hurt and don’t have a lick of energy.

I’ve succeeded with the first. Book two is ready to be written. Just as soon as I can get around to it.

I’ve can’t say whether or not I’ve been successful with the third. I’ve gotten everything that had to get done, done. And I’ve slogged through the evenings, when my depression and energy are at its lowest. If that meant I got a few hours extra sleep, that’s fine. But I look forward to sunny skies and having lots of energy again.

However, I can say, without a doubt, I have finally got an appointment with a doctor to see what is wrong with my legs. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done. I can’t tell you how much I did not want to go find a doctor. Forget about the impending bills, the doom-laden future my imagination paints, or the indignity of having a body that doesn’t want to cooperate with you.

I just hate having to figure out how to do something new and uncomfortable. And I really also hate having to call someone who’s not among my friends, family or acquaintances. For whatever reason, the idea of having to call someone I don’t know and have no experience with just gives me with the willies. The fact that I finally did it should tell you something.

How much do I hate it? Well, I came up with a list of things I’d rather have done instead.

What I’d rather do instead of calling the doctor

  1. Total my car. I’ve done it twice in my life. I lived through it.
  2. Plan my wedding. As stressful as that was, I think this is more.
  3. Live with my hurting legs. Who knows if this is a problem that can actually be solved? I’d rather just live with them than go through this kind of stress.
  4. Walk to Arkansas. Okay, maybe just to my mother-in-law. She lives about 15 miles away. It would be torture, but infinitely less stressful.
  5. Go to the dentist. Some would consider that stressful. I don’t. Even though I’d have to find a dentist first before I can go there, dentists hold no fear for me.
  6. Get my hair cut. I find looking for a stylist almost as stressful as finding a doctor, but I’d rather just walk into a random beauty parlor and get a bad haircut. My hair will grow back.
  7. Go to the gym and lose 20 pounds. Wait, I did do that.
  8. Go through labor. I’m not pregnant and have never been, but I’m pretty sure I’d rather have that baby than find a doctor.

So? What is that one thing you absolutely hate to do? What would you rather do instead of it?

Posted in daily life

When you wish real life was a fantasy

When you have nothing to write about

lost-in-a-book-2You know, I wanted to write something significant today. Something that would make people say, “yeah,” or “wow,” or make people think. Something to elicit an emotional reaction.

I wanted to write something about writing. I mean, I’m a writer after all. You’d think I’d have more to say about the craft of writing than I do. But no. All I can say there is practice, listen and learn from the experts, and have fun. That’s about the sum of my writing advice.

I wanted to write about something I read. It’s been a while since I critiqued a book. Unfortunately, I haven’t really read anything different–though my husband just finished reading Jim Butcher’s Harry Dresden books. All of them. Now, watching that was fun! But plenty of people have read and critiqued his books, and he doesn’t need me to do it again.

So where does that leave me? With what’s been going on with me?

Well, let’s start with Jim Butcher, shall we?

You watch someone else read books

My husband is not a big reader. At all. He’s a computer guy. Would much rather play computer games.

However, he is into big, ridiculous plots, grandiose characters, and puns. Harry Dresden has all of that.

So I managed to convince him to read the series. He did.

And it was so much fun watching him read a series of books I’d always loved and enjoyed. He’d read them when he was supposed to be working. He’d stay up to two AM to finish reading one. Every twenty minutes he’d laugh at something Harry said or did, and come running down stairs to tell me about it. He acted like a cross between a kid in a candy story and a kid at a comic convention. It was great to watch. For his birthday, I got him a Dresden t-shirt. Polka never dies.

And that got me to thinking.

And you wish your life was a fantasy

My knees hurt. Have been for months. Don’t know why because I can be a stubborn lady and haven’t gone to the doctor yet. I’ve been working out at the gym. Trying to lose weight. Succeeding, to my surprise. Lost 20 pounds. Legs still hurt.

It’s not the only things in my life that hurt. We’ve been trying to get some land. Bank approved our loan. We were all ready to sign the dotted line, when the appraisal came in and said, “land’s not worth that much. You’re going to pay too much.” So we’re back at what feels like square -20, waiting for the appraisal to go through. So the bank knows how much to lend us. So the seller knows how much he can sell it for. So we know what the price is going to be. And we’re stuck with no one talking to each other and no one knowing what is going on. And our contract has been extended twice and I can’t help but think, “we’re going to lose the land through no fault of our own!” And we have no idea what’s going to happen.

Through all this, my husband and I decided we want to have kids. Been trying for a year. No baby. We’re telling each other, “it’s okay. You got time. There’s nothing wrong with you.” But we look around and all we can see are kids. Cute kids, pudgy kids, screaming kids. Kids playing baseball. Kids in Halloween costumes. And they’re all so cute and precious . . . and not one of them is ours.

And this is why

If our lives were a fantasy, then our problems could be solved overnight. I could get bitten by a radioactive spider and be gifted with super-powers. Overnight I’d get buff and healthy and my legs would stop hurting. If I ever did hurt, it’s because I decided to go out and be a punching bag for someone.

Insta-heal. Insta-health. It’s the superpower everyone wants. Too bad it’s a fantasy.

If our lives were a fantasy, I could go to a mystic or psychic or the local wise woman, and she’d be able to tell me exactly why it’s taking so long for us to buy our land.  She could also give me a glimpse into the future, tell me exactly when we’ll sign the dotted line, when the wait will be over.

Speaking of waiting. While she’s giving us predictions, she could tell me about my future kids. Will I have them? How many? Boys or girls? One, two, five or ten? And if her answer is no, then I could ask why? Is it not in God’s will for me to have kids? Is there something with me? My husband? Is it a problem that could be fixed?

And because my life is a fantasy, of course the problem could be fixed–maybe with a magical healing potion. Or maybe with a deal with a crooked fairy or something. And then I’d only get my kid at the expense of half my soul or something horrible like that.

Which is why life isn’t a fantasy. And why fantasy isn’t life. Real life is worse–and better–than fantasy. Because real life has God in it. God is the ultimate problem solver. I just gotta remember that.

So never ask God to give you patience. He just might give you a bushel of trouble instead.

Posted in daily life

Things only adults do

Have you noticed there are certain things you do that feel very ‘adult’?

Your First Real Job

And I’m not talking about your summer/weekend job you had as a teen. I’m talking about that full-time job you work all year long. The one you’ll either love and do for the rest of your life, or the one you’ll hate but endure because something has to pay don't want to workthe bills.

Paying Bills

Speaking of. You didn’t do this when you were a kid, did you?

Leaving Home

Ah yes. The ultimate sign that your an adult. Leaving home to make it on your own in the big, wide world. You now have a job, a house, and maybe the hand-me-down car. You are now able and qualified to live on your own. Congratulations. Now the real adult things start.

Getting Married

cabin 2There’s nothing much more adult than hitching yourself up to another person for the rest of your life. It’s takes a lot of maturity and work to make a marriage last. It’s a shame people don’t take it seriously. I wish I could put Sex and Kids on this list, but let’s face it–if there’s something people take less seriously than marriage, it’s sex and kids. That won’t change your life, but getting married will?

Buying Insurance

Now here’s one you won’t see coming. For the entirety of your life, you’ve been on your parents’ plans. Now you’ve outgrown them and have to get some of your own. Who do you get? Do you go with what your job provides. Hopefully they do, and hopefully it’s good. If so, congratulations, the pain is done once you’ve filled out the appropriate forms. If not, then maybe you’ll go with what your parents used. If not . . . then I’m sorry. Now you’ve got to shop around and see what’s best for your family. And heaven forbid you make the wrong decision, but in today’s world of Obamacare, trust me–you won’t be able to switch easily. Even if you wanted to.

Doing Your Taxes

What’s more painful than handing your hard-earned money to someone else to use/misuse? Having kids? Passing kidney stones? Dying? I’m not sure. Let me know if you think of anything.

Shopping for Doctors

doctor-shoppingIf there’s something worse than shopping for insurance, it’s shopping for doctors. At least with insurance, you’re limited to a handful of companies, depending on what kind of insurance you need. That’s not the case with doctors. If you’re lucky, you’ll just use the same doctor your family has used for generations. Or maybe you live in a region isolated enough that you only have one or two choices when it comes to choosing who you go when your sick. But if you move to a big city where you literally have hundreds of options, all taking your insurance? Personally, I found it easier to plan my own wedding than choose who I want to be our family doctor. Totaling my own car was less painful. How do you make a decision? Chose the closest one to you, and the first on the list? Go with what everyone recommends? Go with the one with the most medals and credentials to his name? Go with the one in the private clinic because he’ll spend more time with you than the one in the hospital? Gah, just shoot me now. I’ll endure my bum knee for the rest of my life, thank you very much.

Setting up your own doctors appointments

Now that you got your own doctors, you have to call in your own appointments. Tooth hurts? Guess what, your mom’s not going to call it in. You are! Welcome to adulthood, where you have to do all your own dirty work yourself.

Posted in daily life, Loosing Weight

People You See at the Gym

golds-gym-logoI joined Gold’s Gym about two months ago, not sure whether or not I’d like it. In my experience, gyms tend to be hot places with not enough air flow. I sweat and get hot when I exercise. But this one was brand spanking new. I hoped it would be different.

It was.

I’ll go ahead and get the glowing review out of the way. The people who work there are pleasant, fun, and encouraging. They have programs for every level of fitness–from the “I’ve never exercised a day in my life” people to “I could bench press cars” fanatics. I wouldn’t have lost the weight I have without them.

But that’s not why I’m writing this post.

I’m writing this post to tell you about the kind of people you see at the gym.

All kinds of people go to gyms. All kinds. A lot go in the hopes they’ll look buff and lose weight in just a day or two with minimal effort. There are people, I’m sure, who could do that. Yahoo for them.

But the ones who are there every day? They are the real interesting ones. The kind that might get immortalized in one of my books one day.

The Fashion-Challenged Exerciser

We’ve all seen this person. Could be guy or girl. Any level of fitness. But they seem to go out of the way to wear the most unfashionable outfit possible. And this is saying something, considering people at gyms tend to wear whatever is comfortable. I mean, they aren’t there to win beauty pageants–they’re there to get sweaty.

There’s this one guy my husband calls “Shorty Shorts Guy.” I haven’t seen him, but apparently, not only are his shorts short, but they bulge two inches past his waist, like he’s stuffed them with Styrofoam or something. And no, I’m not talking about the crotch area. I’m talking about his thighs. Why would anyone want to wear poofy shorts? And tuck their shirt in to boot?

Madam Marathon Runner

I can’t tell you how many older ladies–and gentlemen–I’ve seen exercising at the gym. Most, I will admit, are just trying to stay healthy. But there’s always one or two there who look like they could bench press their teen-age grandchildren. Then go run a marathon. You know, just by looking at them, that they’re just as serious about what they eat as they are about exercising.

I’ll admit these old ladies really impress the heck out of me. They’re in better shape than I could ever hope to be. I’ve seen them do pull-ups. Pull-ups, people. If I could do half of what they do, I’d be ecstatic. But let’s face it–I’m too lazy and like to eat too much to put that much energy into being that healthy.

Mr. I Can Bench Press Cars

There’s this one guy I see all the time. Don’t know his name. But I’m pretty sure he lives at the gym. He doesn’t work there, but he could probably teach any class. If he doesn’t, I’d be seriously surprised.

This man, he looks like he’s in his late 50s, and his hair used to be blond. His muscles are bulging and sculpted, and he wears tight fitting clothes. This morning, I saw this man doing pull-ups like it was no big deal–then pause in the middle of a pull-up, point his toes, and then lift his feet over his head. He pointed his feet to one side of his head, then the other. This lasted for like thirty seconds.

I have no idea what that exercise is called, but it’s got to be the hardest, most impressive thing I’ve ever seen a person doing at a gym.

Mr. Strange

Every now and then you see someone that, for whatever reason, just looks weird. It could be what they’re wearing or some other feature, but you look at them and think, “what?”

There’s this guy who, I swear, looks like a black version of Bane, the super-villain from Batman. He’s big, he’s buff, and he wears a mask that covers half his face. He sounds like Darth Vader when he breathes. I haven’t seen him cart an oxygen tank or a funky backpack with tubes coming from it–but it’s the kind of mask that looks like it should. I have no idea what it does, but I would really like to know.