Posted in Pun Lists

I find this humorous

BigHeadRuinsTheDayAnyone who knows my husband knows he’s constantly making puns. Constantly. 90% of the puns don’t end up here–mostly because I don’t think about it, but also because if I took the time to write down all of his puns I’d have no time for doing things like making supper or doing laundry. There’s just that many. Also, a lot of his puns overlap.

A few weeks ago, we went to Schlitterbahn, a local water park. My husband spent an hour while we waited for our ride telling human-body themed puns. I didn’t write them down at the time, but I am now. Enjoy. Feel free to smack your head against the wall.

How many puns can you think of? Let me know what I missed!

Human Body Themed Puns

  • This will be a lengthy list, but don’t worry. It won’t be weighty.
  • My husband came up with a bunch of these off the top of his head.
  • I have to be careful not to complement him otherwise he’ll get a big head.
  • There’s no one cornea than him.
  • I also have to be careful not to give him a leg up in the world. He already stands ahead of the crowd.
  • He has a real eye for puns, I’ll give him that much. He can really sniff them out.
  • He really nose his stuff.
  • It doesn’t take long to get into it. He already has his foot in the door.
  • I hope I don’t put my foot in my mouth.
  • I hope you can stomach all these puns.
  • If your ears start to bleed then you might kneed to head out. Staying might cost you an arm and a leg.
  • I’m sure you’ll survive by the skin of your teeth.
  • There was a pregnant pause while we came up with more puns.
  • Its not every day that I need his help. I usually don’t have to reach far.
  • Who nose how many puns he can come up with? If he keeps his chin up it won’t be difficult.
  • We probably shouldn’t make two more puns. Three more on the other hand . . . . telling jokes isn’t cool.
  • Coming up with puns is a hard burden to shoulder if you can stomach it.
  • Coming up with puns is easy. You just have to put your back into it.
  • However, anyone can knuckle under this kind of pressure.
  • How many are enough? We’ll just have to eyeball it.
Posted in daily life

From Airport to Water Park, My Husband Puns on

I hate the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport

This past week my husband and I picked up one of our friends from the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. He was coming to stay with us for the week on vacation. My husband, of course, was ecstatic.  Me, I wasn’t too keen to go to the D/FW airport. I’d been there only once while waiting for my flight to connect, but I’d never left the terminal. I’d heard horror stories about the place–about how huge it was, how easy it was to get lost, and how it even had its own bus system to ferry people around in. Since I was going to be in the airport’s Hyatt Regency hotel in about a month, I was curious to scope the place out and get an idea of what was to come.

Everything I’d ever heard about the airport was true. It was huge. You had to pay to get in and out (that was a new one for me). The place was a city and even harder to navigate if you didn’t know where you were going. Cars were everywhere–I would feel more comfortably driving 60 mph in a Wal-Mart parking lot than crawling at 20 mph in that place.

Of course, trying to get from the airport to the other side of Dallas during 5pm rush hour was even worse. And I’m moving to this place why? Thankfully, we managed to get home safely at about 1 am, but it is a trip I’m not eager to repeat.

My husband can drive me nuts

Once my husband was safely ensconced with his best friend, he then proceeded to remind me just how big a nerd and how annoying he can be. Since Wednesday, I’ve heard him talk 6 straight hours about his favorite video game, two straight hours of body-themed puns and endless rehash-our-college years stories. Oh, and today when we went to a local burger joint (it sells really good burgers) and the waitress asked who does this meal belong to, he said, “optimus prime.” After which, my husband and his best friend discussed the aerodynamics of a thrown coconut and how much force it would exert upon impact.

Seriously? Optimus Prime?

I love my husband, but sometimes, he makes me want to bang my head against the wall.

I can’t complain about everything that happened this week

Not to say I didn’t have fun hanging with my husband. We went to Schlitterbahn, the local water park here in San Antonio. After waiting in line for an hour to get on one of the rides (and listening to way too many puns), we floated down the rivers for about two hours, ate ice cream and shared a funnel cake. I haven’t had funnel cakes since I was a kid. It was great.

After Schlitterbahn, we went to Cooper’s for barbecue. If you’ve never been to a Cooper’s, I feel sorry for you. You have no idea what you’re missing. It’s the best barbecue in the world, in my opinion. (The sign said second best in Texas. I would like to know who is number one, just so I can go on a road trip and see for myself if it’s true.) It’s expensive, but worth every penny.

We also went and saw Ant Man, and it was worth it the second time around.

Other than hanging out, swimming, eating barbecue and listening to too many puns, I also worked my butt off and wrote a ton on my story. Once I finally finish it, it’s going to be well over 100,000 words. Of course, once I finish it I’ll still have more work to do. ACFW conference is in a month and I have to work on that, as well.

I almost want a vacation from my vacation. I’m tired, slightly stressed from all this writing, and I am looking forward to having my home to myself (and my husband) again.


Posted in Pun Lists, writing

A Weak Week of Puny Puns

In spite of the title, it has not been a weak week for puny puns. In fact, it has been quite a fruitful week for puns. But that’s what happens when both my brother and my husband gang up on me while on hour-long car-rides.

This week we went through not one but but three pun-offs, each easily lasting thirty minutes. One was tree-themed, another bean/seed themed, and the third was about fences. I wish I could remember half the puns, but there was no way I could withstand the deluge. There was simply too many.

That does not mean I didn’t enjoy myself. I did. It has been much too long since I’d had a long visit with my brother.

Normally, this is where I would attempt to recreate the conversations we had, but I just don’t have the attention span to do it. Not only is it difficult to recreate something that just naturally happens in the course of conversation, but it’s difficult to write when you don’t want to write. And I’ll be frank. I don’t want to write. Besides, if I tried  to recreate the conversations, it would consist of puns you’ve all heard before and me just banging my head against my desk saying to my husband, “oh please, enough already!”

I would much rather be reading instead of writing. There is, right at this very moment, a book in front of me. It’s an anthology, written by R.A. Salvatore, Book One of The Legend of Drizzit. My sister has a box full of books by him, and she’s lent them to me. And yes, they’re good. And no, I don’t want to put it down.

The books weren’t what I expected. I’ve read three so far, and I’m enjoying them immensely. They are fantasy books, straight out of someone’s Dungeons and Dragon’s adventure stories. They are full of action and very well written, but I will say this–don’t go reading the books out of order. You won’t get near as much out of it otherwise.

I am excited to be reading these books. R.A. Salvatore is a prolific author. His books take up entire bookcases in many bookstores. And Dungeons and Dragons, as a game and as a realm, has contributed a lot to the fantasy genre. I am looking forward to learning as much as I can from Mr. Salvatore, and hope to improve my own writing.

Posted in Pun Lists

My Husband is the Butt of Many Jokes

dsc01552Two years ago this June (June 14th, 7:30pm, in the Alamo Cafe) my husband asked me to marry him. It is a day I will never forget. He’d snuck my family down from Arkansas, and we spent all week hanging out, eating home cooked meals, and acting like tourists. It was a week full of wooing and romance, full of family and excitement.

This picture, by the way, is a picture of my ring.

But that isn’t the only reason I’ll remember that week. In addition to hanging out with family and making wedding plans, we also went to the hospital. For an, “abscessed buttocks.” Yes, somehow or another, my husband managed to get an sore on his butt. The sore got infected, sent his temperature skyrocketing, and him to the hospital.

But . . . but . . . butt

You could say he was a pain in the butt.

But you see, he just couldn’t take this situation sitting down.

So he became the butt of many jokes.

His humor really sticks. I really shouldn’t spread it around.

He sometimes talks about of his butt. Indeed, his degree is a BS.

Michael’s Humor

Actually, he usually doesn’t stoop so low for a laugh. On that day, the jokes just kept rolling off the tongue, so much so that he had the nurses alternatively laughing or shooting him, “you’re weird,” glances.

He believes that potty humor is the lowest form of humor. After all, you’re not going to find one, “you’re butt’s so big,” joke here. But he is a child at heart, so if someone farts–well, he says it all depends on the context. Given the right setting, he just might view it as a competition, in which case he’ll probably win, since he has no sense of smell.

That lack of smell sometimes helps with my cooking. After all, unless he’s in the same room, he can’t tell when I’ve burnt supper, or when I’m cooking period. It makes surprising him (with food) easy. Easier.

But my husband loves puns. And he has a brain that is as big as Europe. I never try to get into a pun-off with him. I always loose.