How to Work when You Don’t Want to Work

Ever wonder what a day in the life of a writer is like?

Well, let me enlighten you. This is a day in the life of a writer. My general to-do list.

1. Push snooze for an hour.
2. Take a shower and kick husband out of bed. It’s time for him to go to work. But you–you take your time getting dressed. After all, you’re not earning a paycheck.
3. Eat cereal, check email and surf the internet for an hour while watching HGTV.
4. Prepare your work space. This involves clearing the kitchen table and getting your notes from wherever you stashed them–such as the dryer.
5. Remember you forgot to start the laundry. Start a load.
6. Throw away something. Notice the trash needs taking out. Notice you’re still wearing your pjs.
7. Put on that ratty outfit so you can go take out the trash. You know the outfit I’m talking about–the one that should be in that bag of trash you’re throwing away. Now you really must do some work.
8. Sit down in front of your computer. Put on some music. Read up on the chapter before to remind yourself of what you need to write today. Put your hands on the keyboard–and realize your hands are most uncomfortably dry.
9. Repeat step 8. Realize that your hands are now too greasy, on account of having too much lotion. Wash hands.
10. Repeat step 8. Get a story idea for something else and write it down.
11. Make lunch/breakfast for husband.
12. Make lunch/breakfast for self.
13. Repeat step 3.
14. Clean kitchen.
15. Repeat step 8. Admit to self that you have run out of other stuff to do, and actually start writing.
16. Write.
17. Make husband do supper. Little Tiffany is being chased by trolls and you simply must finish the scene.
18. Finish scene.
19. Blink, realize it’s bedtime and your back hurts and your eyes are gritty. You want to continue writing, but your husband takes your laptop away from you. He then bribes you to bed with a back rub. It works.
20. Repeat steps 1-19 tomorrow. Have fun and good night.